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With acknowledgement to the great Beachcomber (J.B. Morton 1893-1979),
Uncle Nasty presents his:
Dictionary for today
Art – that which popular taste believes could be produced by a five year old child; though no such child ever has.
Boorish – that which is accepted as modern manners.
Conservative – what everyone over the age of 35 should be who is neither a knave nor a fool.
Dispute – the way to truth (now archaic).
Elitist – those who believe that some things are better than others.
Football – a banal game of little significance occupying too much public interest, for the enrichment of the few.
Government – a constitutional device for the suppression of politics.
Humbug – the first refuge of a minister.
Intellectual – more or less obscene description of those who know that they know nothing by those who believe themselves to know enough.
Judgement – the now rejected ability to make discriminations.
Knowledge – the disinterested accumulation of information of no immediate use for no discernable practical end.
Legendary – any person or place, of which the general public may be supposed to have heard, though historical or fictional, is described as “legendary”.
Modernise – to return to the state of the mid-nineteenth century as in “the welfare state has been modernised”.
Newspaper – regular publication containing information on gardening, decoration, frocks, furniture, games playing, celebrities and other trivia.
Opinion – those things upon which we do not care to express an opinion are called “matters of opinion”.
Philistine – the general state of things.
Questioning – an unpopular attitude implying scepticism.
Rational – the heretical belief that thought is more reliable than feeling.
Sentimentality – the immoral belief in original virtue.
Tradition – custom invented in the nineteenth century.
Umpire – someone to be argued with until an acceptable decision is produced.
Vengeance – popular sentiment frequently confused with justice.
Wonderful – life in all its awfulness.
Xenophobia – patriotism.
Youth – condition aspired to by those who ought to know better.
Zodiac – popular repository of faith.
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Last revised 9th July 2005