With acknowledgement to the great Beachcomber (J.B. Morton 1893-1979),
Uncle Nasty presents his:

Dictionary for today

Art – that which popular taste believes could be produced by a five year old child; though no such child ever has.

Boorish – that which is accepted as modern manners.

Conservative – what everyone over the age of 35 should be who is neither a knave nor a fool.

Dispute – the way to truth (now archaic).

Elitist – those who believe that some things are better than others.

Football – a banal game of little significance occupying too much public interest, for the enrichment of the few.

Government – a constitutional device for the suppression of politics.

Humbug – the first refuge of a minister.

Intellectual – more or less obscene description of those who know that they know nothing by those who believe themselves to know enough.

Judgement – the now rejected ability to make discriminations.

Knowledge – the disinterested accumulation of information of no immediate use for no discernable practical end.

Legendary – any person or place, of which the general public may be supposed to have heard, though historical or fictional, is described as “legendary”.

Modernise – to return to the state of the mid-nineteenth century as in “the welfare state has been modernised”.

Newspaper – regular publication containing information on gardening, decoration, frocks, furniture, games playing, celebrities and other trivia.

Opinion – those things upon which we do not care to express an opinion are called “matters of opinion”.

Philistine – the general state of things.

Questioning – an unpopular attitude implying scepticism.

Rational – the heretical belief that thought is more reliable than feeling.

Sentimentality – the immoral belief in original virtue.

Tradition – custom invented in the nineteenth century.

Umpire – someone to be argued with until an acceptable decision is produced.

Vengeance – popular sentiment frequently confused with justice.

Wonderful – life in all its awfulness.

Xenophobia – patriotism.

Youth – condition aspired to by those who ought to know better.

Zodiac – popular repository of faith.

Clarence Rickards

Creative Commons LicenseThis work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Last revised 9th July 2005